The Belief Playoffs

We pass by each other on the street, in the store, in the club, and in the hallway.  We brush shoulders, exchange smiles, a nod, a word or two, but what do we know?  The quest for human interaction leads us through life like a carrot.  We seek intimacy, acceptance, and the sweetness of a safe embrace.  We seek spouses who’ll know us better than anyone, friends who won’t walk away, and circles of community who know “just enough” to let us in, but what do they know of us?

Before we can share our inner secrets we must know what they are.  Before we can speak them we must put them into words.  Searching for words to identify and know our beliefs, we peer into the darkened corners of our minds.  We think in circles, scared of and avoiding our own beliefs because we simply don’t know them.  Treating them like strangers we work with, we pass them in the hallways of our mind; giving them a nod and a smile, but do we really know our own beliefs - these things that run our days? 

Let me ask you a simple question.  What do you believe in?  Is that a hard answer to find and give?  Do you know?  In the busy-ness of this age we run through, around and past our moments, and often end up at the end of some road wondering how we got there, wondering who we are, and wondering who really knows us.  Or, more likely, we don’t want to wonder about these things, and even hope it doesn't happen again… but for those who are fortunate... it will.

Those who dare to look within end up better off.  Why?  Because knowing our inner self enables us to engage and exchange with others.  True connection between people requires honesty – a nakedness of the soul – so the connection can be real.  Otherwise it is… something else, but definitely not a true connection. 

To those who are afraid to look within; to truly know one’s self: please be comforted and encouraged by this – it is just you and what you will find is already there.  Looking doesn’t change those things.  It only allows you the freedom of choosing.  Also, I have never known anyone who looked and regretted it. 

So, what happens when we look?  How does it work? 

At first it is like exploring a lived-in house – your house.  As you enter and start searching you will see many ideas, memories, and patterns that have become a large part of your life.  The distant and detailed stuff is tucked away in the corners, closets, and attics; stacked boxes of stuff you held onto for some reason.  It’s all good and worth holding onto… because you already decided to hold onto it.  This isn’t about second guessing, doubting, or invalidating your past.  It is simply a “look around” to get your bearings.

Within this house of yours are many chairs.  The chairs are your beliefs.  When you sit in one you can’t be sitting in another.  Let me explain.  

In any given moment you'll choose what you believe about it - about the circumstances, opportunities, threats, and possible ways to get something you want out of it.  In the next moment you may choose differently, but in this moment you can only choose one belief.  Why?  Because beliefs are rooted in and give us our perspective, and we can only have one perspective at a time.  Please don’t misunderstand.  You have many beliefs… everyone does.  But, in each moment of decision you will be governed by a final winner – you will have chosen a belief to guide you through that decision – and therefore - whatever belief you choose... matters. 

Our carnal beliefs are very immediate, petulant, and persistent – like young children looking for things to go their way.  Our spiritual beliefs are quieter, much more patient, wiser, and a thousand times more effective.  When we move about our house and choose a chair/belief - we end up seeing the whole moment from that perspective. So, why not choose it well?  Why not know it and be able to justify it to yourself?  

Let’s assume for a minute that you know all your beliefs, know them well, and know how to speak about them.  If someone asks you what you believe in, would you be able to tell them?  Sharing your beliefs is as safe as choosing the clothes you wear.  People will have an opinion about your choice, but their opinion doesn't matter.  What matters is the honesty of your presentation.  There are enough people who will like and endorse what you chose, you don't need to chase the ones who don't. But, more important than the opinions of people you don't know yet, is the process of focusing and defining the person you are becoming.  

In college I had a chair in my room that looked out a huge window.  From that window I could see the whole valley and the many comings and goings of the people who lived there – my neighbors.  It was a strong and sturdy chair, comfortable and roomy, and placed in the perfect position.  I had many other chairs at that time; chairs in places like the dining hall, library, classroom, and the coffee shop.  But my favorite chair was placed before the window in my room where I could listen to music and ponder about my neighbors - wondering about their pains, fears, paths, and futures.  

Within your allotment of beliefs are some that serve you better, get you into better moments, and make your life wonderful.  Do you know which ones give you what?  Do you choose which ones take you into outcomes you want?  To know this you would need to compare them to each other.  And now we have a competition.

When we hold a “beliefs playoff” we compare our beliefs and choose which ones get us through to better ends.  We may choose addiction over facing truths, loneliness over trusting, eating over effort, or anger over grace.  We may choose learning over ignorance, rage over peace, compassion over hate, or country western over rap.  In fact, in every moment we are making response and action choices, and every one of them is based on the perspective we chose to have at that time, which is based on a belief. 

It is always human nature to choose the belief that makes the best campaign promise.  Is drug addiction really better than facing the truth?  No.  But it promises to be.  So, we believe it and choose that path.  And, like a career politician it stays and works us, plays us, lies to us, and fools us… for its own survival… until we choose against it.  Belief playoffs are the way we find out what truly gets us through, helping us weed out the petulant and despicable, the weak and destructive beliefs, getting rid of the ones that are more interested in perpetuating of our angst than giving us joy.

The champion belief is the one that trumps all the rest.  It proves it is the one we can always rely on.  It always serves our best outcome, and delivers us into our best possible life.  For me, the best belief I can have is – “Love your neighbor as yourself.”  It fits every circumstance I encounter, and always gets me through to the best possible outcome. 

Do you know which chair is your best chair?  Not your favorite, most comfortable, or most worn, but which one truly delivers your best life?  Be daring.  Be courageous.  Be involved.  Know yourself and choose well.  Then… engage and share who you are with someone else.  That’s how people find true community, friendship and love… and the good life that comes with it.

Be not afraid, too busy, or doubtful.  Despite any campaign of lies to the contrary, your life is worth taking a look around the house, comparing chairs, and finding the best one.  Then all you have to do is sit down and enjoy the view.

Is ADD a Misnomer? Yes.

In recent years we have seen an explosion of books and experts telling us a great deal about ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) without coming to much consensus.  For a long time ADD was the predominant term, and then 'experts' decided that there was a difference between ADD people and the physically hyperactive.  So, they came up with ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) and the mental health community used both terms side-by-side for several years.  More research showed that the less physically active ADDers were hyperactive in their thoughts and then the experts decided that ADHD was a sufficient term for everyone.  

Over time, and with more research, it became apparent that the hyperactive state was a recurring, yet temporary condition that increased with sugar, caffeine, and fatigue, and decreased with exercise, low-glucose diets, adequate sleep, and certain medications.  Since it was a common symptom found in varying behaviors the 'experts' decided that ADD was sufficient to describe the condition many people have.

My question is, since we are still exploring the ADD moniker for accuracy, perhaps we could look at the word "disorder" to see if it is truly fitting and fair.  A few synonymous terms for disorder are: affliction, ailment, complaint, disease, infirmity, malady, and sickness.  In actuality, many people with ADD function at a much higher state of mental acuity than "normal" people.  To say they have a malady or ailment is to label them inaccurately.  

I do agree people with ADD, myself included, do operate differently in life, and that giving them a label helps to identify their inconsistencies in a way that explains and defines such differences.  I just believe we can do better than ADD.  The term deficit is also misleading, because many times ADDers have excessive attention.  A more accurate description would point toward the inconsistent attention transitions that occur.  Sometimes there is too much focus on something other than the group's consensus, too much time taken to shift attention to a new focus, or too many changes in prioritization and importance, thereby changing the application of attention between competing subjects.  The issue isn't a deficit.  It's governance and inconsistency.

So, I did some digging around and came up with this term that I think better fits the condition.  AATC.  It stands for Atypical Attention Transition Capacity.  After all, why should those of us with ADD have to bear the burden of condescending and disparaging terminology chosen by 'experts' who don't really have a handle on it now, and had no clue what it was when they first named it?

Can We Really Change?

Our minds are like a long line of computer code that edits itself.  Imagine a DOS system like Windows trying to edit itself to become a MAC OS like OS X.  Could it ever really do it?  So, if our minds begin adding "code of reasoning" since before birth, and each new decision adds to the legacy effect by extending and building upon the base code, how can it become a new thing and not just more of what it was?

MS DOS is what the Windows computer software is built on.  They have changed many things about it since the 80s, but down deep inside there is still some of the same code.  The core of it, the true basic nature of its processing path remains the same.  So, if our minds also have a basic code that we build upon, then how can we really change?

In the Gospel of John, Chapter 3, Nicodemus is questioning Jesus about this very thing, but doesn't get it.  He thinks that for a man to be "born again" he must shrink down (ala Benjamin Button) and re-enter the womb so he can be born from the womb again.  But, Christ was talking about the person, not the body.  The "person" is what is found in the mind's layer-upon-layer of reasoning, rationale, memories, wants, and patterns.  But, being born again does not erase our memories, does it?

In order to really change, we must have help... on the inside.  Jesus Christ sends us the Holy Spirit and It enters into our hearts, our minds, our souls and changes us from the inside, but never against our will.  In some ways, it would be like a new interior decorator coming intothe old house and sprucing things up.  The decorator would never presume, assume, or demand a change.  They politely offer ideas and over time the homeowner learns to trust the decorator more and more.

The Holy Spirit is a very peaceful, patient, and polite servant of change.  But, the Holy Spirit is able to work with the base code and make changes in it (that we authorize) so we can live life better - more joyful, peaceful, loving, forgiving, and honest.  As we allow these changes to take place we see improvements in our relationships, our sense of self, and in our appreciation for what God can do.

After a few months or years of working with and trusting the Holy Spirit within us, we can look back and see that we are truly different.  Our reasons for doing things have changed, our wants have changed, and we are creating new patterns with very different types of memories.

So, yes we can really change - but not on our own.  Thank God.

What Do We Sell?

Teachers sell their lessons and hope the student buys.  Politicians sell their promises for a better government and hope voters buy.  Lawyers sell their side of the argument and hope the jury buys it. Parents sell their side of the argument and hope their child buys it   Businesses sell their products and services, writers sell their thoughts, painters sell their visions, and pastors sell their interpretations of truth.  Lovers sell their access and hope someone they like buys it, again and again.

The human race is in a constant state of transaction;constantly looking for the thing to buy and the people to sell it to.  But, what do we actually sell?  Do we sell the thing we found in our hearts - passion?  Do we sell the thing we found in our mind - imagination?  Do we seek buyers for the thing we value, or do we seek to sell whatever they would value?  Do we care if it is good for them, or do we just want to make the deal?  Do we sell our sense of community to gain an individual edge?  Do we place ourselves in the position of knowing what they need most and try to convince them to buy - just so we can bank their affirmation?

When we sell the part of ourselves that we can't get back, do we suffer?  Some people sell their integrity and cringe at the thought of what once was, and because of the cringe they deliberately ignore the thought.  Innocents sell their wonder to the jaded cynics and find no path for return.  The lonely sell their physical intimacy to gain a sacred moment when their secrets would have brought more.  The pompous sell their audacity and believe the world is blessed by their giving.  The evil can find no buyers so they must bully and coerce their buyers under durress.  The selfish only seek their own ends with no concern for fairness.  If we sell with no foresight, do we lose more than we thought?

At the end of the day we look at the balance of our transactions.  We look to see what was gained and what was lost.  If we value money more than relationship we will see the gain, but may miss seeing the cost.  If we value time spent instead of time gained we may end up with very little time left.

The transactions of the human race are rooted in our beliefs - beliefs about value.  If we proceed along the path of one strategy and forsake another, do we register the cost on our books?  At the end of the game, when we breathe our last we will find reflection on what was, and what will matter to us most in that final assessment will not be what we sold and gained, but what we have with us then.  God tells us to store up treasures in Heaven.  Is He trying to sell us on a better destination, or is He trying to get us to pack our bags more wisely?

In our entire existence, all of the selling and buying of human wants is the very essence of true capitalism - free trade, free markets, the unhindered exchange of each one's values at ever-changing prices.  We love to trade, but at what eternal cost?

Capitalism without lasting connection draws us toward ruin.  To gain lasting connection increases our eternal wealth - our treasures in Heaven.  Doing a good deed is not a stored gem.  Building a friendship that is kept til the end is a jeweled broach.  Listening to the weeping of the broken-hearted may give us a feeling of goodness, but if we do it for the personal gain then we have not been honest and our conditions will cost us the connection.  Life is about connection, interaction, and mutual acceptance.  The balance sheet of our interpersonal assets and liabilities will reflect the true nature of our lives- the "what" we end up with.

What do we sell?  We buy and sell our eventual connection to others with every interaction, and at the end of it all, when we are alone and looking at the hospital ceiling, will we feel enriched by what awaits us?  Will we feel wealthy in our souls?  If we haven't thought about it - it may be good to consider, because...

That's what we sell.

Adults versus Children

Parenting is always so much fun.  And last night was no exception.  Exiting the grocery store with my teen age daughter, she had quickly gotten way ahead of me - much too far for my comfort level.  I like having her within an "obviously-with-that-guy" range so I don't even have the worry of someone thinking of her as prey.  When I caught up to her I mentioned my discomfort in a way that got my point across instantly.  She responded in typical teenage fashion which led to another discussion.

After we worked through our conflict over a simple thing like exiting a grocery store, I saw something worth teaching.  I told her, "One of the big differences between adults and children is how they respond in situations... more specifically, how they process their response options.  Children will see one option and take it; seeing it as their only option.  Adults realize there are several options and choosing the best response option gives them a better result.  You are not a little girl anymore, but you also don't look for the better options very much.  This is normal.  You are right where you are supposed to be in your development.  But it might be a good idea to start looking for ways to improve your 'best option selection process.' Adults get very good at sorting through the available options and choosing the best one.  They have a process.  Getting better at your own process will help you."

How adults process through their options differently than children was something I had never thought of before.  And being an adult over 50, that's an interesting moment for me. As I drove on toward home I prompted her for some small sign that I had been heard.  She quietly agreed.  And when she does this I don't know if I am being politely tolerated or if she is chewing on the thought.  Oh, well. Sometimes, as parents, our best option is to place the "food for thought" on the table in front of them and let them decide if they are hungry or not.